The Window of Tolerance

Every day there are events in our lives that provoke different emotional responses. At some moments, we may react calmly; at others, we may become angry or shut down. But reactions to the same event will vary widely from person to person. Why is this so?

According to psychiatrist Dan Siegel's research, every person has a range of arousal called the "Window of Tolerance."

People with a large stock of emotional tolerance may be better able to withstand the shocks and inconveniences of life; on the other hand, people with a narrower tolerance range may pass out at the slightest setback or lose control and react impulsively.

Let's look at the "Window of Tolerance" in more detail.

The Tolerance Window has three parts:

1. Hyperarousal, also known as the "hit or run" reaction. In this zone, you may experience anxiety or give in and react with outbursts of anger and aggression. You may also struggle with intrusive negative thoughts and be overly critical of yourself. You have difficulty resting, sleeping, or even digesting food - as if you are always on alert.
2. Hypoarousal, also known as the "freeze" reaction. This is where you disconnect from the present, distancing yourself sometimes without remembering afterward what happened. You may feel separate from your thoughts and feelings, and those around you may feel that you are shutting down - as if you are always out of reach.
3. Optimal arousal is the range of emotional tension in which you think well, make decisions, and act - that state in which you are "okay."

You may experience hyper- or hypoarousal in response to various triggers. For some, it may be rejection or divorce. For others, it's an unobtrusive thought or feeling, perhaps a sensory reminder or a visual flashback of an actual sad event.

The keys to managing these conditions and staying within your age tolerance are self-awareness, self-care, and the ability to calm oneself without help.

Let's look at a few methods that may allow you to expand your window of tolerance.

Be in the here and now. Pay attention to how you feel in response to certain triggers. What bothers you the most? What memories are surfacing?

Tuning into yourself with interest rather than criticism can gradually help you become aware of your triggers. Knowing your triggers instead of acting on them is the first step to managing them.

Deep belly breathing can help you ground and come to your senses if you feel carried. Try breathing in through your nose, counting to 4, then breathing out through your mouth, counting to 5. Do this for a few minutes. A longer exhalation will help you calm down.

If you are more prone to hyperactivity, some vigorous physical activity can help you eliminate the anger or depression you are feeling. Movement can help shift your energy and regulate your level of arousal. From an excited state, some gentle stimulating exercises, such as rocking from side to side, can help you cheer up.

Think of things you can look at, touch, smell, listen to, and taste. What calms you in the moment will be unique to each person. You can listen to soothing music, light a scented candle, browse old photographs of beautiful scenery, cook your favorite food or snuggle up with a plaid. Try to explore and find what you enjoy doing most.

If you catch a negative thought, try replacing it with a more positive one. Imagine what a good friend would say to you. Try to hear that voice of his or hers in your head to counterbalance any negative critical thoughts.

Writing in a stressful situation can help you process your thoughts and feelings. Arm yourself with a pen and paper when stress is about to hit you, and you explode. The process of marking yourself can cause catharsis. Writing can also help you gain insight into your feelings, bringing you back to a more rational state of mind within your window of tolerance.

Extending the window of tolerance cannot be achieved by taking a "magic pill. For this purpose, it is necessary to do enough work on a self-learning, determination of one's limits, and development of new reactions to stressful situations.

It is also important to note that in some cases, especially when there are some psychological traumas, it is better to seek help from a specialist